Tikuus

2012-03-04T02:02:00.001+08:00

Deepest fear.

I feel like I'm losing touch with myself. I don't know why and I don't know how but I'm becoming less of a person, almost soul-less. It terrifies me to the bone because all that I was has brought me to where I am now. Where will I go then if what I'm feeling actually becomes confirmed?

I'm no longer able to feel like I use to.

Not feel, but feel; react; relate.

I've been forced much too many times into situations where feeling too much would compromise me as a person, in whole.
Too many times I've been placed in spots where I have to choke on what my mind wants to say what my heart refuse to tell only because it's for the better.
Countless times I've disguised resentment in awkward ways I'm surprised people can't actually tell.

Sometimes I wonder, why do I even?

And then I realize...

I'm that person.

But then again....

One can only be so patient.
One can only be so giving.
One can only be so human.

Exercising self-control.

I can try. I'm trying, particularly hard.

I need to fall apart.

2012-02-14T19:18:00.001+08:00

Heartwrenching, it's downright heartwrenching.

I don't wanna miss anyone anymore.
At least not right now.
I cannot afford to.
:(

2012-02-13T00:02:00.001+08:00

What now?

I wanna do so many things. Meet many people. Make them smile, make them laugh. Have them do that for me as well. We'll talk about anything and everything. I wanna jump off the highest building in the world tied to an elastic band. I wanna take pictures with strangers and do funny expressions and put them all in a scrapbook. I want to go fishing and catch a shark if I could, but don't worry I hate shark's fin soup so I'll let my sharky go. I want to scoot around the world with my scooter and feel free. I want to save up for a trip to the moon. And when I'm there. I'll be happy.

Will you be happy with me?
Can you?

2012-02-03T12:27:00.000+08:00

Sedihnya rase hati ni.

Kenape eh? :(

2012-02-03T02:44:00.001+08:00

I have a big heart.
I think I have a big heart?
I know I have a big heart.

How can that be a problem?
How come it feels so much like a problem even though it shouldn't be a bad thing?
Why can't you just stop loving on cue?
Do I draw the line myself?
What line?
Shouldn't the line already be drawn?
Why do we have too much capacity to love sometimes?

It shouldn't be this hard.
Should it?

If someone would tell me the aswer.
I'd appreciate it.
I'd appreciate it so much, you have no idea. Really.

2011-12-31T16:44:00.001+08:00

I feel so angry today.

The end.

2011-12-11T10:56:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling a lil bit off this morning. I'm missing so many things, so many people, I can't contain. Honestly, I'm not built to manage this sort of things, this sort of despair.

Maybe it's the weather.
Then again, maybe... just maybe it's something else.

Is it really possible that someone could've tried too hard?
Where's the line that separates trying too hard and doing your best?

Maybe there isn't really a line.
Then again, maybe... just maybe it's something else.

Uncertainty prevails.

Maybe?
Hehehe, annoying :3

2011-12-03T09:49:00.001+08:00

Girl in the Window

It's unfair. Well that is what I think. When I look at it through my eyes. In my head, I have every reason to think that it is. I don't get it sometimes. Feels like I'm on a friggin see-saw but right now I'm not the weight, I'm not the one on the south side. I'm up, legs dangling and I'm looking down at the ground. Thinking if I fell, it'll hurt a lot more than if I was the anchor. And if anyone knows how the pivoted plank works, as one end goes up, the other goes down. I don't want this ride anymore, I can't be on this ride any longer. Back and forth, back and forth, I can't. Too often I don't even know where I am sometimes, till I don't know where I stand. Am I here? Should I be doing this? If i'm doing it, do I do it now?

If I don't find equilibrium soon. I'm getting off and I'm going to walk away.

As much as that makes me a coward, really doesn't matter so much when I have nothing to lose. When I realise I, all along, did not have it to begin with. So screw you teeter-totter.

2011-11-15T23:55:00.001+08:00

There's always that one person that will always have your heart~

Sometimes I question myself. About the bad decisions or the wrong choices I've made in the past. What it has done to me, maybe I could've been a better person or something. Then I realize... all the decisions i've ever made has brought me to where I am now, with you. And it makes it all okay. You make it all okay :')

I Love You Babygirl. My adorable elephant of a bestfriend.
To me missing your lips/cheeks/forehead everytime I advance for a kiss.
To you bearing it for the rest of our lives.

Teehee :D

2011-11-04T14:54:00.001+08:00

This unfamiliar ache.

I can't anymore. I don't have the patience right now.

Cease the soul destroying days I've been having. Soon.

I feel like a walking time bomb.
I really do.

2011-10-07T08:31:00.001+08:00

Better off this way.

It's ridiculous how we refuse to move forward sometimes due to holdbacks. I don't know, maybe because we want to, or we have to. Or, we feel that we should.

2 infuckinstances.

Multiple reasons. Some important, some not so but still matters somehow. All of them making up an excuse. A good excuse.

One extraordinarily significant reason that puts you at where you are standing right now, rooted, stagnant, happy......enough

Then to think again, are you really?

Am I actually?

2011-09-18T21:56:00.006+08:00

Reading, seeing, viewing, hearing, witnessing, feeling, listening to, noticing.......

something I wish I hadn't.

Makes me wanna build a fucking time machine.

2011-09-13T12:35:00.005+08:00

Just came back from school. Slumped on the bed. In my hoodie. Un-changed. Macam babi. Hinder is blasting in the background. If there's one memory I don't want to lose...~ Ruthless weather today. Gotta keep myself hydrated. I'm feeling rather slothful today.

I couldn't get myself to close my eyes and sleep last night cause my mind got extremely imaginative. Fueled by the day's previous supernatural encounter stories, I was pretty much freaking myself out. Hahaha bloody wuss. I got so tired being scared I eventually fell asleep only to wake up 4 hours later ._.

I miss being somewhere. No, not a location, not a point in life, not a situation. I'm not too sure myself where exactly but yeah.

Just... Somewhere.
Mana ah?

Well, this sloth's gonna sleep and she's gonna feel awesome when she wakes up :D

2011-09-04T07:11:00.003+08:00

Fuck you self,
I wish you'd be less of a wuss sometimes.

And most of the time, I wish you could be less than the person you are.

I really do.

2011-09-03T08:47:00.003+08:00

- Saturday morning

- Very quiet Saturday morning

- Couldn't get back to sleep

- Showered

- Thinking of

- Coffee

- 13 Bullets

- Mac's

- Off I go

- Baikkkkkkkkkk.

Enjoy your Saturday.

2011-08-18T02:47:00.006+08:00

Well based on your smile

I'm betting all of this

Might be over soon

But you're bound to win

Cause if I'm betting against you

I think I'd rather lose

But this is all that I have

So please,

Take what's left of this heart and use

Please use only what you really need

You know I only have so little

So please,

Mend your broken heart and leave

2011-08-15T21:55:00.003+08:00

Reasons to love you.

So many things you do to me.

How you annoy me whenever you try to stick your finger up my nose. How you'd take off after a successful attempt and I'd explode and chase you around till I catch up with you. How I'd have you in my arms and you'd giggle away telling me you won't do it again. How I'd let you go and you'd be at it as soon.. Aaaaaand the Cycle continues.

How I actually, secretly enjoy our very odd routine.

You see darling, I wouldn't change anything about you. Anything about how we are.

You see it's not perfect, we're not perfect.

But that's the thing, I find all the perfection this universe can ever create in this twisted, flawed friendship of ours.

Sure we might keep shit from each other afraid to worry one another.

But at the end of the day, when either of us loses it(in our case, it's always me :P) the other will be there, no matter what. Equipped with assurance and love and light and everything else I probably will never ever find anywhere or in anyone else.

Never, did a day went by that I didn't thank Allah for opening my eyes to you, for opening my heart to you.

You just went through a rough patch, recently.

I'm not gonna lie, I have not the slightest idea about how you feel about it. I can't put myself in your shoes nor can I say that I understand.

I could try, well I did try to but I know I can never truly do.

But babygirl, what I know is you need time. A lot of time.

You know what else I know?

I know that I wanna be a huge part of this healing process. Aside from it being spent with your loved ones. I wanna be that spare umbrella on a rainy day. I wanna be the song you never get tired of listening to. I wanna be that sweetened kernel of popcorn you always frantically search for in a mixed box.

And you know what? I will be. Well, I'll make you think so soon enough.

Whatever it takes ;)

I want you to know that you have me.

(whether you like it or not, hehe)

I will thrive everyday, to be an improved version of the person I was yesterday.

Always, for you.

With "Aerosmith's Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" love,

Your Awesome Astronaut of a Bestfriend,

Dinah :D

2011-08-09T15:30:00.002+08:00

I've been on my bed since I woke up at 0900 just now. Yup, certified pig.

Cooped up in these 5 walls. Not actually giving a rat's ass about anything outside this fortress of solitude of mine. It actually felt good.

Until a thought struck me -_-

Being enough.

Firstly, I firmly believe there is no such thing as the right amount of anything.

Secondly and most honestly, I usually give up at being. You know why? Because to me enough can never be attainable. Well, truly attainable that is.

Lastly, is being enough actually mandatory? If we were not enough for someone, could we be standing there in the first place?

I think enoughness(I totally made that word up, but you should get it) is like hunger.

Sure, a cheeseburger for lunch with a side of fries and mash potatoes and a large coke will suffice........ until your tummy starts performing a drum riff from Lamb of God's Black Label, screaming for Dinner.

Perhaps you'll eat more then, perhaps you'll upsize the whole meal for dinner!

In other words, we'll have our fill of enough. Sooner or later, some incident or some random thought may drive us to reevaluate this state of comfort of having the satisfying amount of something. Usually happens when we've been offered more. More than what we usually get.

Then, I came to a conclusion. I'll throw in an analogy too.

Perhaps being enough for someone is like climbing Mount Everest. Treacherous terrains in a form of doubts or someone else doing a better job at it. Climbing though, not as a challenge or a dare or for a hobby. You're climbing Mount Everest because you are eager to, eager to meet someone special at the peak. When you do(hopefully or eventually), this union to you would mean that you've proven yourself. At the summit, you'll look into this person's eyes. You'll stare into them hard till they'll know you'd be saying......

"You know what, I rocked that huge piece of triangular stone for you. Not only for you though, for my very own self as well. That I'm willing to put myself through all that for another human being. Not just any human being but this human being that I'm looking at right now."

But guess what?

The escapade, the frost bites and you braving the blizzards will all be transparent. The person will never really know the depth that you went into to achieve, being enough. Perhaps to them it would still be insufficient. For all you know, when you finally take the last step towards reaching the peak, you might see them already looking into somebody else's eyes.

Which concludes........

It is possible to be enough, however it is impossible to stay enough.

Save yourself the heartbreak.

Get off at being, we shouldn't be driven to prove ourselves like that.

Do your best, hope for better.

Raise your hands and pray to Allah that they will open up to you for a very long time so you have that long to show them that you just simply care... and that if they could feel how you actually feel about them, then maybe, just maybe staying enough could happen.

2011-08-06T14:01:00.006+08:00

Day 18.

Such uneasiness I felt a few days ago, and no I'm not joking. Practically drained me dry. Anxiety overload. Well, slept it off at night.

Now, something's amiss.

I seem to be in a daze all the time.

All the friggin' time.

2011-07-27T02:05:00.003+08:00

Risks.

What we take, and at the same time, something we don't take too seriously.

Many times I've landed myself in situations where I'd have to decide whether to take the leap. Afraid if I'd land in nothingness or hoping to land in paradise.

Most of the time, the extremities of the outcome scares the bejeezus out of me, I turn into a statue, sometimes passing out on the opportunity to bathe in the riches if the result is the latter.

Question is:

Risk only to have too much to gain or not risk afraid to have too much to lose?

Sigh.

Anyone?

2011-07-11T23:51:00.002+08:00

2011-07-09T22:17:00.003+08:00

It's scary how I don't feel the least afraid right now.

But everything will be fine in the end, just have to bear the journey there.

Then again... I could use some crutches, some sort of support.

2011-06-27T21:45:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

2011-06-23T22:43:00.002+08:00

Brace yourselves.

I have so much in me I want to express, to let out, to release. So much tension I need to have loosen out. So much happiness I want to spread, so much anguish I wish to dispense. So much knowledge I want to share. Places I want to go, monuments I want to touch. Breathtaking sights my eyes yearns to see, the kind of night sky I never had the chance to go "oh wow, now that is A LOT of stars" at. Lives I want to change, faces I want to paste smiles on. Laughters coming out from my loved ones. The sort that puts your mind at ease, makes you tear a little, almost making yourself out to be the most silliest person on earth for feeling like that over a small chuckle, but you just don't care. My relationship with Allah the Almighty. How I want to make it as close as nail and skin. To have a little more patience. To wake up in the morning to go to a job that I actually enjoy. To sip hot chocolate at the end of the day, staring at the moon and fantasize about being an astronaut, leaving everything on earth, bringing everyone in heart. Taking the first few steps on the cratered ground thinking, I don't need this because someone back home actually has the ability to invoke the exact same sensation ;) To be thankful before I go to sleep that I might not have it all, but I definitely have enough. To sink into my couch and play the Xbox all day. To air guitar to every guitar riff/solo as and when I feel like it. To slow dance without the occasion, the music or anything like that, just because. So I like it, shoot me. To speak without being judged. To not be shy all the time. Eating the peanut butter of a spoon and actually be extremely proud of it LIKE HEY I'M EATING BUTTERED PEANUT OF THIS UTENSIL AND THERE AINT NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.. OM NOM NOM. I wish to understand every human being. I want the chance to be in their shoes for a change. To be looking at things from someone else's point of view. I'd like to see the effect that I have on someone, anyone. If there is any sort of effect at all. In other words, I'd like to be friends with me. I want my Babygirl to know that I wanna hug her all the time, because I don't see her too often lately. I want to tell her so much that even when I'm not there, I'm actually there. Thats how there I wanna be. Oh gosh now I wanna hug you so bad. I don't want to make sense sometimes. To stare into blank space and be reminded of something hilarious and just explode into fits of laughter. I want to spend time with everyone dear to me all at the same time, in the same place, stand at the highest peak and make a speech... that goes something like "See everyone here? They're part of the puzzle of the life that I'm living now, the life I was living then, and the life that I'm gonna be living in the future. They didn't come this far because they fit or because I let them in. They're here because they were puzzles that didn't match nor hinged together but they managed get my untrusting self to believe them. They made themselves out to be a puzzle piece that could fit anywhere in my life, yet unchanging of who they truly are, that is why they're here." I want to dig my pockets, find some coins, and rejoice like never before. The simplest things that takes me off sky high. I wish to replay over and over again the feeling you get right before you say goodbye to someone you love. I don't know... because to me, your truest of feelings surfaces then as you realize that might be the last time till a very long time, or not at all? or maybe till tomorrow that you see the person again. Even then, goodbyes will never be easy. Food, I wish to never diminish my love for food. I'd like to ride the waves, or at least imagine it hard enough that I'll dream about it. I wanna visit Egypt. I want my cheeky monkey to be there as well, right beside me. I wanna whisper into her ear "I told you I'd take you here" and then melt in her warming smile. Things like this shouldn't just happen in movies. I wanna save earthworms that stray onto the pathway during the rainy season. I don't wish to be tied to time anymore. Counting minutes, counting seconds to something. With whatever time I'm running on, living in, that's gonna be the given seconds to accomplish whatever (I could start with managing time better :P)

I hope I can sleep now knowing I got at least half of what's on my chest here :D

2011-06-19T22:50:00.004+08:00

Gotta love.

Seems to me the easier it is being around someone, the scarier it becomes. I mean, does that mean your guard softens? Or is there even a guard at all now? Like going on a mission with the risk of getting shot without a protective kevlar on. Just gambling, whether or not the bullet will miss you perhaps graze your skin a little or maybe just puncture you straight in the chest. And we still do it...

Why? Only we know the answer. Twisted or not.

2011-06-14T23:44:00.003+08:00

Ain't got no clue.

What do I do?

Seems to me that I need a solution.

How do I go about doing this?

What be my next action?

Can't find a way out yet.

Decisions smecisions.

= I don't know

2011-05-25T22:22:00.000+08:00

THIS.

2011-05-11T01:05:00.002+08:00

Please be okay already. I hate to say this but... I need you. Not in the cliche sense. I need your mind here. Present, now. I need to look into eyes that would softly look back. Staring back in fact, into my soul again. Where ever your mind is, bring it home. Bring it back to earth. Bring it back to 'now'. I miss the way it intrigues me........

2011-05-08T20:00:00.004+08:00

Danny's Birthday/Mother's Day

Even though I was exhausted from god knows what (I really have no idea!) it all went smoooooth. Hong Kong Cafe? That was something new. Finished my dish in 5 minutes. I don't know whether to be proud of the accomplishment or actually be afraid. Inner kraken ah.

From good food, in good company and a cake! A huge cake in fact! hmmmm... butterscotch. Mama was so happy, melts my heart to see her smile :')

Hope the two of you had a really good time. Cause' I did... eating :D Food... glorious food.

Dear Brozzer Danny, you seem to know me too well sometimes.

Perhaps that's one of the many reasons why I Love You :)

Take care in camp my beloved Kepala Peanut.

Happy Dah Boleh Tengok R21 Movies!

2011-05-02T00:22:00.004+08:00

Mission accomplished!

Babygirl's advanced Birthday surprise was a success! :D

From everyone wearing white specially for your request. From first laying eyes on you in your cute lil dress. From gorging ourselves with food. From Despicable Me under the stars. From a poorly synchronized birthday song for you during the end credits. From sneaking to your sister's place and waiting in the dark with party hats and that noise making thingy. From eating some more. From laughters. From everything, all adoringly for you. I hope you loved every bit of it :')

Don't worry, you'll always be my babi guling....

ehem... I mean princess, wrinkly or not.

I love you.

2011-04-13T01:11:00.001+08:00

I'll fight for you.

I'll fight for you good.

I will.

I'll make you believe me.

I'll make you believe in me.

2011-04-08T00:00:00.005+08:00

It's simple.

Keep self sane.

Keep self in check.

Keep self in order.

Don't feel it's that simple anymore.

Fuck it, it's Friday Friday~

2011-03-31T01:08:00.001+08:00

This.

2011-03-28T00:16:00.003+08:00

365 x 3

and I'd still be counting down despite the potential dementia with age.

Cause you're the one for me

And I'm the one for you

You take the both of us

And we're the perfect two~

I know it, you know it, we know it :D

HAPPY THREE YEARS BABYGIRL!

Ride the waves in Bali for me will you? Sini boleh skim aje. lololololol.

hugskissescuddlesandalotmorewaitingforyourighthere :)

2011-03-21T04:32:00.000+08:00

Apa gunanya? kau bilang aku sekarang...

2011-03-16T17:37:00.002+08:00

...but do I deserve this?

you make me so nervous.

Calm me down~

2011-03-12T12:27:00.002+08:00

Been listening to this for the past hour, on repeat.

1:50 always amuses me.

2011-03-09T16:50:00.003+08:00

I feel so.....

Angela, you is amazing.

Fuck it, I'm going to enjoy today.

2011-03-04T16:38:00.000+08:00

fuck, going nowhere ah!

2011-03-03T10:32:00.006+08:00

Why dinah? why 2 extremes?

Why can't you just fucking stand in the middle?

You and your stupid principles.

Need to annihilate Zombies.

2011-03-01T15:01:00.003+08:00

Now I might be fucking annoying sometimes, in everything I do. I'm definitely am annoyingly in love with you too.

Now, live with me or live with me. Either ways :P

Babygirl, you make the ends of my lips touch each other at the back of my head.

k that's just weird. hahahaha.

LOL. HAPPY. IN. OTHER. WORDS

I love you Babi Guling :D

2011-02-27T23:31:00.005+08:00

At times...

When you really think about.

When you look deep into what you really want.

What you really feel.

It's not enough to have just met the person.

Honestly, no.

I mean who are you fucking kidding? Yourself of course.

2011-02-26T02:48:00.003+08:00

It was nice.

Sitting down after a long day at work. Fogging away, with another soul right beside you. Especially with one of a few who's not so quick to judge.

Unplanned heart-to-heart talks.

Exactly what I had with Fytri two nights ago.

It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Light, I actually feel light.

2011-02-24T08:56:00.002+08:00

0856 hrs.

I was lying down in the middle of my brother's room. Just lying there, soaking up home. Damn, I miss her. I miss this 4 room cave of awesomeness. I miss waking up(without the worry of being late for work) slowly walking out of my room, rubbing my eyes, planting my ass on the couch and watching the telly. Mehhh.

and you......

I'm not asking you to keep up with me, I'm just asking you to be there. There where I can reach you. Please? Pathetic yes. I go home and everyone's asleep, I wake up and I have to be out. If I could sleep nevermind know.................. but -.-

K I'm gonna be late for work.

2011-02-22T00:06:00.001+08:00

Penat ah. Sumpah penat.

2011-02-13T10:41:00.003+08:00

Sunday morning rain's NOT falling.

Been having stupid dreams these past few nights. Problem is, I let it get to me. Of course it gets to me! It's the sort that leaves you feeling exactly how you felt in the dream when you wake up. Having your heart doing triple time in the dream and having it pounding like that still when you wake up. Pulling your arm back ready to punch someone, waking up already wanting to swing it forward. Oh, and the worst, worst worst worst fucking worst ever. Just feeling sad. In the dream. Waking up, only to feel a 100 times miserable. What the fuck. It just sucks the life out of you ah. nbcb.

Rimas ah.

2011-02-12T13:48:00.001+08:00

Lately, it's been very........................................................................

2011-02-11T09:41:00.002+08:00

Goodmorning.

Now....? Work. Semi-bliss.

2011-02-05T10:55:00.004+08:00

Today, this morning, I woke up and panicked. Why? because I woke up.

It's frustrating. I take so long, so damn fucking long to fall asleep. Even when I tire myself out during the day and even when I get exhausted, I can't seem to fall asleep. It's like, my energy gets drained but my body refuses to shut down. I just lie awake, worn out at the same time it almost hurts. What makes it worst is that, even after I manage to get my eyes to close, it'll only be for a moment, before I wake a few hours later.

The result of this madness?

An extremely sluggish Dinah with deteriorating motor skills or should I say the absence of it now and the tendency to just shut down at the most appropriate of times, like at work or in the train.

Chamomile is not doing its magic anymore and I have no friggin idea what will.

2011-02-04T17:42:00.004+08:00

Just what the fuck am I doing here?

2011-01-31T20:21:00.002+08:00

k aku da penat. diam.

nak space? amek ni space.

hahahahhahahahhaha!

2011-01-30T19:03:00.004+08:00

An escape.

Not letting anything else hit you but the pouring rain. The cold air blowing into your face at 70km/hr. It was great, while it lasted.

It was quick, I came home, did my prayers, and went straight to sleep. Thanks to the weather which expedite the way to slumber.

Waking up.

I noticed something. Well, I felt something that is.

That moment, between sleeping and being awake. That sensation of being the undead for a moment. The moment between closed eyes and opened ones. The adjustment to the amount of light you burn your corneas with. The moment you take your first deep breath of the day. The moment you feel empty, in a good sense, almost pure, until you're really awake. You look around, and it starts weighing in on you. What you have to do that day and if you could do it by the next with all else running in your mind whether it's making you worried or not.

Rinse and repeat. Every morningggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

2011-01-30T18:51:00.003+08:00

These walls are paper thin and everyone hears every little sound.

2011-01-26T02:45:00.005+08:00

I can't sleep. Maybe it's because I need to get this out, to share this.

In life, you're gonna meet people. I'm only 19, haven't met too many yet. I think the ones I've met may only be a few of many later in the future.

What I've learnt is, you are gonna meet all kinds of people. ALL KINDS.

Every one of them is going to or perhaps have already done something. I don't know, to you? to your life? to your routines? to everything actually.

Then there are some, who will change you, or perhaps already did.

Then there is this person, who could make you force yourself to change.

........... then there is one, one particular person.

Right now. In the present, at this very moment.

Not in the past, and fuck the future, because what matters is what's happening.

This particular being, this amazing being.

The one that walked into your life and gave you every reason to be happy living it.

Not because he or she made you see that, but by just being in it, being silly, being annoying, being someone you'd never thought you'd need, just existing in your life.

... and I'm there.

Sigh. Gravity ;)

2011-01-21T21:30:00.003+08:00

Being sick is exhausting. Really.

Been pretty care-free cause' of work lately. I mean, yeah it's tiring but it keeps your mind off things. I've been so into it that my nails are longer than usual, longer than it's suppose to be(than I want it to be)

It's fever fever!~ Get it? FEVER fever? Ok shuttup.

I swear everyone of my friends are falling sick one by one. Plenty of water people, plenty of water. I am waiting for my banana shake, Danny where are youuuuu?

Night time, prepareeee to shiverrrrr dinah.

halo halo halo~

2011-01-20T19:05:00.011+08:00

deja vu vu vu vu vu vu.

"You're a thief and a witch but I love you to death."

2011-01-18T02:43:00.001+08:00

Enough.

2011-01-16T18:24:00.002+08:00

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

yes, back to medicinalrhythms.

0:53. Hah.

2011-01-16T13:58:00.002+08:00

Next week, I'm a robot.

I should just set camp at my workplace. Puas hati.

2011-01-13T15:11:00.002+08:00

How could something so wrong feel so right?
How could something so right feel so wrong?

tfuck, who's to say what is right and what is wrong?
tfuck, I should know what is right and what is wrong.

2011-01-08T14:06:00.002+08:00

I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE WALLS.

AND IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME.

I'LL BE AN ASTRONAUT ALRIGHT.

A-ZOMBIE-LOVING-CHICKEN-EATING-PIXIE-CRAZED-ASTRONAUT.

2011-01-04T23:03:00.005+08:00

I've applied WIT to many scenarios in my life, countless situations everyday. Telling myself to put WIT before anything else, because.. I don't know? Maybe because I think I should, or perhaps I'm too willing, for my own good, to make sure I try to make anything in my power to happen before I raise the white flag to my defeat.

Such drive has put me in tricky situations. Situations I manually had to maneuver myself out of. Situations that I got myself into. Situations that wouldn't even have been one if I were to have just given up.

I mean, how ironic is that?

To give up, to win.

Maybe, it's good sometimes if people would just give up sooner. Hahaha.

No, really.

But, I'm going to stick to whatever it takes.

After all, it has gotten me somewhere.

Not exactly a destination, but it will do.

Anywhere is better than nowhere.

2011-01-04T08:12:00.004+08:00

2011-01-01T23:31:00.003+08:00

Here's a thing.

It's very frustrating to go to bed angry with someone.

Of course, you could forget about it, think about something else, perhaps focus your emotions onto other things, or someone else. However, directing all that attention into another thing or someone else isn't that easy when all the anger is derived from yourself. Your very own self.

Mad, at the one soul you couldn't possibly avoid.

In time, yes, the storm will dissipate.

Until it becomes the center of attention, again.

I don't wanna go to bed mad at me~

hahahaha.

2010-12-30T23:05:00.002+08:00

ALIENS! :D

2010-12-30T12:32:00.002+08:00

It's crazy when you're too tired to care.

It's insane if you even think you're too tired to care.

Please, please stop doing this :'(

2010-12-28T21:36:00.004+08:00

Was going through mails.

And saw a long one that I had sent to Babygirl :D

I've said some things,
Things I meant then and now and things, with no doubt, I will still mean whenever ;)

"If you'd let me, I'll be the best bestfriend anyone could ever ask for. If you want a pot of gold, I would climb over the rainbow, look for the leprechaun, beat him up, and steal his pot of gold for you. If you want a piece of the moon, I would hijack a spaceship, fly up, and cut off a big piece of the moon for you. Only for you, no one else."

Tehee.

2010-12-28T18:38:00.003+08:00

Take me back to the 50s/60s

Take me back to the 50s/60s
Take me back to the 50s/60s

Take me back to the 50s/60s

2010-12-22T17:02:00.004+08:00

Ku Katakan dengan Indah.

I don't get it. You hold up so much for something, to support something. Instill so much patience, so much energy you used just to protect something. You countlessly forgive and forgive, at the same time, trying to forget. Thinking, maybe... just maybe if you were patient enough, things would go your way just once. Still it doesn't. So you exhale. Taking another deep breath into it again. Constantly reminding yourself of your own twisted reasons why you are in it for, and forgetting the significant reasons why you should be out.

But, when you screw up once, just one almost harmless time.... Thinking "You know what, I don't know what the hell I'm doing"

You get the guillotine for it.

Fuck it lah. Fuck.

2010-12-18T23:37:00.003+08:00

The littlest things that makes someone, someone.

Makes someone, matter.

Makes little things, matter.

I read the past all over again. Yes, it's a very dangerous place to dwell in, but it's fine if you dig at the right places, and for the good memories. Exactly where I went. Of course, clashes with the bad would be inevitable. But fuck that.

It was nice.

Not saying the present is not,

the present is nice too.

Real nice,

sometimes it's too nice it creeps me out.

But what the heck.

Happy goober.

Yes I am.

2010-12-18T13:52:00.005+08:00

I can't promise my focus... is it me or is it my attention span?~

I feel good today. So damn good. I think it's because I have everything planned out. Or so I think? Hahaha. Well, whatever it is, I hope it all materalizes, and real soon please. I have so much I plan to do, to achieve. Let 2011 be a year when Dinah accomplishes great things. Amin.

Impromptu sleepover yesterday was awesome, even though I was shagged from work. Got some laugh, and some scares and chicken. That's a near perfect combination, minus the scares. Breakfast in the morning, seated around the dining table, eggs and sausages. Great, just great.

Rockin' Saturday ahead everyone :)

2010-12-09T17:39:00.004+08:00

Don't you fret, should you get,

another cancellation.

Give me a chance, I'd make a

permanent reservation.

2010-12-08T22:49:00.002+08:00

You know what's worse than change?

No change.

But then again,

You know what's the worst?

Inconsistence. Change. No Change. Change.

If you've experienced the worst, there ain't no way it can get anymore worse right? Right? Right.

2010-12-05T15:32:00.002+08:00

It's funny, but I helped. But it's funny, did I?

To let someone be forgiven or to be accepted by another through my words. I mean, sure, of course I'd help a friend who has come to me in his time of need. I couldn't possibly say no. I can't believe a simple good deed that I've done can make me feel so.... guilty. It's like I've manipulated another being's emotion through words that are not even meant for her.

Maybe its true.

You can have all the right motives and still do all the wrong things.

2010-12-04T23:50:00.002+08:00

My mission = To Love.

Mission plausible.

2010-12-03T09:37:00.003+08:00

Had to take something out from my wallet.

Something slipped out.

Dropped to the floor.

Wrong side up.

Flipped it.

Saw it.

Felt the weirdest sensation in my chest.

Shrugged it off.

Put it back.

Inside.

Where.

It actually.

Isn't suppose to be.

Off to work.

With.

Something to.

Ponder.

About.

Good.

Morning.

2010-11-30T14:59:00.005+08:00

It hit me.

You know that feeling, holding on to something that's not exactly there. Okay perhaps it is but just not in whole. It's like... yes, it's in your grip but you can't really see it? But wait, you actually can, only because you really wanna see it like that, in whole. When it's not.

Perfect timing, yes?

Helloooooooooo aspirin! :D

2010-11-29T09:40:00.002+08:00

Goodmorning.

Today must be a good day. It's not an assumption. Today must be a good day. It's a directive. Today MUST be a good day. Monday bluesjazzrock or not. I'll make today awesome :D

Off to work!

2010-11-24T07:36:00.004+08:00

She's got blue eyes deep like the sea, that roll back when she's laughing at me~

K actually tak blue la mata dier. But can ah :D

Up since 0630hrs. I have a feeling today is gonna be one very very very tiring day. Delivery at work. Wednesday is always the worst, to me. I don't know why. When it should've been like.... a balance? since it's sorta in the middle of the week? no? okay.

Swiped, yes, swiped the floor in my room. In the living room. Making tea. Gonna make milo as well. Brothers are all sleeping. Gossiped with mom. It's been awhile, I love mom ♥

Now? Smallville.

Hellooooooooooo Chloe!

NATASHA! You are in here as I type this. I hope you touch down safely. Need to hear from you soon please.... ♥

2010-11-20T14:43:00.003+08:00

Yes, I will miss you more than you can ever imagine.

I'll let em' words tell you how much,

for now :)

2010-11-15T13:46:00.003+08:00

Deep inside...

In the abyss of my mind. Not heart, mind. Okay fine, heart.

I actually wanted to hear from you.

But...... *cricket sounds*

Whatever it is, I hope you're still alive.

2010-11-14T02:20:00.007+08:00

Lucky, that's what I am.

So, yesterday was my birthday :D

The day before yesterday was spent at Arab st. with the awesomest people on earth. What a surprise! The cake! A HAMBURGER SHAPED CAKE! THEM! The foodz! Everything! Though I was rather zombie-like, I was bloody happy that they planned that all for me, me, me. Hehehehe. Thanks Nita! Nat! Tortoise! Nal! Anissa! Bella! Kyn! Anissa! Achap!

I'm truly very grateful to have people like ya'll in my life. Really.... I swear.... by the moooooon and the stars......... yeah you know how it goes :D

But that's not all, little did I know the pills planned something else on the 13th

Babygirl baked muffins! Argh so cute!

Had dinner at CCK park. Butter Cereal Prawns.... *drools*

Crashed WCP.

Nal brought along his telescope, so I saw the moon. I SAW THE CRATERS ON IT. This time, clearer.

Yelling in the Car.

Finally home :)

*huge sigh of relief*

2 days of escape. Great escape.

so... 19? Hello.

2010-11-07T02:56:00.003+08:00

If I could say everything out.

If I could speak my mind.

If I could let the world know.

but then again, only the attention of one would truly matter.

2010-11-06T10:54:00.003+08:00

OMG SINGTEL IS PISSING ME OFF SO EARLY IN THE MORNING.

STOP CALLING ME ALREADY, MY NAME IS NOT KELVIN.

BILLS BANK MONEY SHIT, KEPALA OTAK SEDARA KORANG PUNYA BINI PUNYER ADIK IPAR LA.

-_-

2010-11-03T15:06:00.001+08:00

What to do?

What am I to do? Everything is all so weird now. And topsy turvy. And Inside out. And all over the place. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

2010-11-01T01:59:00.003+08:00

I think, I guess, I think....

I don't know what I want anymore.

This is when November starts being all... November.

2010-10-28T14:14:00.004+08:00

This is me.

This is me on an off day.

This is me on an off day trying to actually have an OFF DAY.

This is me on an off day trying to actually have an OFF FUCKING DAY.

SO PLEASE DINAH, FUCKING STOP.

Thank you.

2010-10-21T09:23:00.002+08:00

Goodmorning.

I feel like a robot.

I feel like a robot with a ticker.

I feel like a robot with a ticker who's programmed to work.

I feel like a robot with a ticker who's programmed to work no matter what.

I feel like a robot with a ticker who's programmed to work no matter what's going on.

I feel like a robot with a ticker who's programmed to work no matter what's going on in her head.

I feel like a robot with a ticker who's programmed to work no matter what's going on in her head, because she's programmed to do that.

Virus detected.

Well, off to work.

Beep Boop Boop Bop.

2010-10-16T14:40:00.001+08:00

Okay?

2010-10-15T21:26:00.002+08:00

Kenapa ni macam bingit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-15T01:55:00.006+08:00

I'm a happy happy happy goober,

because the one I love was made a happy happy happy girl just now.

All the planning, the meet-up, the ideas, the whole blueprint of Natasha's Birthday Surprise was made successful on the 14th of October.

I hope you loved the surprise, the presents and the "bash" sweetheart ;)

& like you said, to more birthdays to come. Will be looking forward to them.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoo.

I love you Amoeba. ♥

2010-10-12T17:24:00.001+08:00

Wrong.....

So wrong....................... fuck.

2010-10-10T23:18:00.003+08:00

Ants.

I don't understand them. Why crawl into a cup of water and drown in it? Why? In an attempt to swim? The sink's available, there's ample water in it for several sport activities. Why MY cup of drink? Why? I don't get it. Why crawl around, eating our food, lalalalalala~ then get squished and die. Why? What's up with the way they crawl? Why? Why can't ants walk straight? Why do you guys run around as if there's no tomorrow? Why can't ants crawl slowly? after all they're crawling. If I could crawl that fast, I would've scared myself. Why build nests in people's homes? Why? How would you ants like it if I built a skyscraper in your nest? Huh? Don't like right? Sigh.

And then again, I envy them.

Why? because they just scavenge for food, eat, sleep drown in cups of water and never ever have to think.

One thing I ask of you, stop drowning in my beverages.

2010-10-09T23:13:00.002+08:00

With me,

but without you.

Read.

2010-10-07T07:25:00.003+08:00

So weird.

A couple of days ago I was awake at 0725 because I couldn't contain my excitement. Now, it's the direct opposite. I'm awake because of the wrong reasons, but I'm also awake because of the right ones. Or is right wrong? or wrong right? Work is in 5 hours. I wish to immerse myself in it.

Anyway... October, please have mercy on me.

Goodmorning world.

2010-10-07T03:13:00.002+08:00

2010-10-05T00:42:00.003+08:00

Anything. Everything actually.

In my power, if I can.

but I always forget that I'm a mere human being,

who gets weak sometimes.

So weak sometimes.

2010-10-04T07:25:00.003+08:00

I woke up smiling and excited.

It's 0725, its 0725 in the morning.

I'm only awake because I'm too excited to sleep.

2 hours of sleep suddenly feels like 200 hours of slumber.

Mission impossible at its possible!

HEEHEEHEE!!!!!!!

GOODMORNING WORLD!

2010-10-01T14:03:00.001+08:00

Im no love guruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. stoppppp talkingggggggggggggggggg.

2010-09-30T23:49:00.003+08:00

For once.

I actually thought, really, genuinely thought there was actually a glimmer of hope. That the light from a microscopic hole could actually shine through and give this very dark room at least a breath of life. At least for 1 second. I was wrong, I was damn wrong. Worst. I was wrong again. The light didn't even reach the ground. In fact, the "light" was just a figment of my imagination. Something I wanted to believe so bad. Something that couldn't possibly happen because negativity was killing the scale.

Oh well.

Maybe I should spare myself the disappointed and believe less, believe you less.